What To Do When Your Boss Is Much Younger Than You Are

By:  rocket50 Staff

Date:  December 11, 2023

Perhaps you’ve taken a new job, or your colleague was just promoted, and now your boss is younger than you. How do you put age aside and focus on what you have to learn from your manager? How do you keep your ego from getting in the way of your relationship? And what can you do to best support your boss—which is your job no matter your manager’s age?

What the Experts Say
Generational differences in the workplace are often a challenge, but dealing with a younger boss is perhaps the most difficult. “It’s not so much the age thing as the experience thing,” says Peter Cappelli, professor of management at the Wharton School and coauthor of Managing the Older Worker. In another context it wouldn’t be such a big deal. Say, for instance, you are taking a ski lesson from an instructor who’s 20 years younger than you but has been skiing for 15 years. “That’s not going to bother you. But if you’ve been in business for 20 years and your boss has been in business for 10, you might think, ‘Why am I taking orders from this person?’ His authority doesn’t seem legitimate.”

Younger bosses—already prevalent in industries like IT, professional services, and accounting—will likely become more so as “companies promote young Millennials into leadership positions and organizations make more of an effort to retain top talent,” says Jeanne C. Meister, a founding partner of Future Workplace, the human resources consultancy, and coauthor of The 2020 Workplace. It’s a “potentially uncomfortable, potentially conflict-ridden” situation, she says, but it doesn’t have to be. Here’s how to foster a successful working relationship with your younger boss.

Reflect
First, “don’t assume he’s going to be a bad boss just because he’s younger,” says Cappelli. “Why manufacture problems before you have them?” Think positive. And if you can’t help but ruminate on the situation, ask yourself: what’s really bothering me? Is it that my boss got a promotion, and I didn’t? In which case, “you need to ask yourself: do I really want that person’s job? The answer is often no—particularly if you’re at the end of your career and want to slow down,” he says. But don’t dismiss your feelings either, says Meister. “Having a younger boss—particularly when the person is the age of your son or daughter—can be an emotional situation so you need to deal with it on an emotional level,” she adds. “If you don’t deal with your feelings, it will impede your productivity.” It’s often helpful to talk with “friends and colleagues who’ve been through something similar.” Not for a grousing session on “kids these days,” mind you. Seek out people who can offer helpful suggestions, support, and advice.

Don’t buy into stereotypes
The workplace brims with generational stereotypes: the narcissistic Baby Boomer who refuses to retire; the entitled Millenial who seems surgically attached to his smartphone; and the disaffected Gen Xer who’s only out for himself. Buy into these stereotypes at your peril, says Cappelli. According to his research, there are no real character differences between the generations. Even if your pop culture references are forever lost on each other—you watched The Waltons; she watched The Simpsons—try not to dwell on the differences. Instead focus on what you have in common: “You are two people who made a decision to work in the same industry at the same company,” he says. Avoid pigeonholing an entire age group and steer clear of sweeping statements like. “People in my generation feel this way.” You needn’t be on a constant defense to prove you’re not a dinosaur. Try your hardest to “take your age out of the equation,” adds Meister.

Show respect
Remember: it’s not all about you. Your boss may feel uncomfortable and even intimidated by your level of experience. Be sensitive to these feelings and show some humility. Recognize that you and your boss have different talents and capabilities that you each bring to the table, says Meister. “You may have a deeper niche skills while your boss has a broader managerial skill set.” Rather than obsess over the skimpiness of your boss’s LinkedIn profile, focus on “how you’re going to use your voice, your expertise, and your point of view to drive the business.” Besides, the things you need to do to cultivate a strong rapport with your young boss are not any different from the things you need to do to create a solid relationship with a boss who’s older. “You need to treat this as any other business relationship,” she says. So you need to contribute to its success.

Aim to be a partner
Your goal is to “work with this individual as a peer,” says Meister, to partner with him to make your team and organization successful. To encourage this kind of partnership, it’s your responsibility to manage up by maintaining an effective, productive working relationship.  “If you want your boss to consider you a partner,” Cappelli says, “understand what your boss’s problems are and pitch solutions.” Propose ideas that free up your boss’s time to focus on other things.

Provide information
One of the best ways to support your younger and possibly less seasoned boss is by “telling her about things she doesn’t already know,” says Cappelli. Your experience gives you credibility. “Use it to be helpful,” he adds. The information you have to offer could be historical, such as advice on navigating the particulars of a longtime client contract, or relational, like insight into how Bob in the sales department thinks. Avoid being condescending or coming off as a know-it-all. “Talk about your experience in a way that emphasizes your own learning and doesn’t sound like bragging,” Cappelli says. “Don’t lecture—general pronouncements are hard to hear.” Instead, be concrete and matter-of-fact. He suggests saying something like, We had a situation like this before with this customer. Here’s what happened. Here’s what I was thinking at the time. And here was the result.

Be yourself
While it’s wise to avoid dwelling on your age in the workplace, your experience and life stage are integral to who you are. So you and your boss happen to be in different phases of life. Embrace it; be philosophical about it, says Cappelli. “It shouldn’t be hard to imagine what it’s like to be 30 with kids if you are 50 and your kids are now 20.” There might even be ways you can “life mentor” your new boss, he says. It could provide a lot of comfort. “You could say something like, ‘I remember when my kids first went to school too. I was worried about [a certain issue] and it turned out to be nothing.’” Meister agrees. Your maturity means that “you can relate to a number of life stages,” she says. Being open to talking about these things with your younger boss “will make the relationship authentic.”

Principles to Remember

Do

Seek advice from colleagues and friends who’ve experienced a similar workplace dynamic
Work to understand your manager’s problems and pitch solutions
Provide your boss with historical and relational information about your organization and industry

Don’t

Presume the situation will be hard; just because your boss is young doesn’t mean he won’t be a good manager
Dwell on your differences; instead focus on what you have in common
Lecture when sharing your knowledge and experience; be concrete and emphasize your own learning

In Conclusion

Younger bosses are just like us - they want to succeed at what they do and they value their work and that of others. Instead of focusing on their age, think about your common goals and all the value add that you bring to the table because of your years of experience.